Editor’s Note: We previously said that the Daily Tar Heel called the KDs who objected to their editing “bitches” in the notes from their daily meeting. In actuality, that was in a critique of the day’s paper by DTH General Manager Kevin Schwartz. That e-mail, which was sent over the Daily Tar Heel listserv, said: “I can’t believe how ungrateful those KD b**ches are.” Nice, DTH.

Junior John Mundell sent a follow-up letter to the Daily Tar Heel today, which attempted to apologize for and clarify his Hatorade-drenched comments from yesterday, as they received an unsurprising amount of backlash. He said that the DTH edited his letter in such a way that it conveyed a more harsh and insulting message than he intended.

Depite Mundell’s apology, we read the “full” version of the letter he sent and it remained offensive and tactless. While we appreciate your few days of “homelessness” you experienced while abroad in Bolivia, we still fail to see why your article had to juxtapose the issue of homelessness with ill children and why you used such offensive phrases throughout your letter.

However, we give you this: you made a good point about editing at the Daily Tar Heel. While your letter remained harsh, we agree it would have been softer if the Daily Tar Heel kept your thoughts in the paragraph you intended, retained the headline you gave it and printed the less sensational parts.

While we appreciate that the DTH needs to “edit for space,” we’re a little stunned at how bad of a job they can do.

We were made aware of a recent flare-up between Kappa Delta and the Daily Tar Heel editorial board, when the newspaper reported poorly about the sorority’s annual Shamrock’n’Run 5K. (Shocking, since everyone knows how fondly the DTH feels towards Greeks. Speaking of which, we find it totally ironic that DTH hangout Linda’s is physically as far as you could possibly get from Pantana Bob’s.)

The newspaper reported in a photo and corresponding caption that about 300 people attended the event, when in actuality, it was more than 700. A group of KDs wrote a Letter to the Editor in response, which read: “There were more than 300 runners; there were 756 participants in our event.”

In print the next day, the letter, which was “edited for space” read, “There were more than 300 runners.” Edited for space…or self-protection from a crappy reporting job? Sources tell us that when a group of KDs went to the DTH office, demanding to know why their letter was edited for space in the middle of a sentence, it pissed off management enough that an email to the staff referred to the girls as “bitches”. (Cue War’s “Why Can’t We Be Friends?”)

So listen, Mundell: you’re not alone in your gripes with the editorial board’s crappy editing—just alone in hating the kids. We hope the editorial board can contain their need for sensational journalism and their irrational biases against various groups on campus when they edit Letters to the Editor in the future.

We do recognize, however, that if the DTH was fair, unbiased, respectable and professional, our own Web site would become obsolete…but we’re willing to make that sacrifice for the sake of journalism.

It’s hard to really shock us, to the point that our jaws drop and our eyes widen in horror. The last time was probably when we saw Anoop lose out on American Idol to that toolface, Michael Sarver. But junior John Mundell beat even that with his revolting Wednesday Letter to the Editor of the DTH, as he bashed Dance Marathon for um, helping sick children.

Displaying a soul akin to Coach K’s or Voldemort’s (one and the same), Mundell wrote: “I’m thrilled that Dance Marathon is finally done because I’m sick (almost as much as one of the actual sick children) of hearing, “Do it for the kids!””

He followed this sensitive remark by complaining that the money raised from Dance Marathon should instead go towards helping the homeless: “While 1,828 people joyfully danced for 24 hours straight, shouting that same perturbed phrase from before, hundreds of thousands of people nationwide are homeless on any given night…Why are we still giving to one of the richest hospitals in the country and not to those who are unemployed, homeless and without the health insurance to walk through those hospital doors? It’s more plausible to help them instead.”

A few questions: what shitty research made Mundell think homeless people can’t walk through the doors of a public hospital for treatment? Which social justice course did he take to formulate the conclusion that “helping children” and “helping the homeless” are two mutually exclusive goals? What the hell is the connection between the two? AND WHO DOESN’T SEE THE VALUE IN HELPING SICK KIDS?

On the topic of plausibility, we suggest Mundell create a 24-hour dance event to support his goal of aiding the poor. We’re sure a lot of homeless people would love to come in, eat food and be warm during the event. Plus, if it’s at all as successful as Dance Marathon in terms of attendance and fund-raising, he might make an actual difference, instead of just publicly bashing the efforts of his peers to aid sick children and their families. (Ah, just writing the last part of that sentence…it continues to amaze.)

In one of the more thought-provoking lines in his article, Mundell writes sarcastically: “I guess “homeless” just doesn’t compare to “sick kid.” ” It was after this line that we at the Daily Tar Hole looked at each other and solemnly stated, “What an incredible bag of douche.” It’s clear from this letter that Mundell, and everyone he has ever known, had miserable childhoods full of good health, fun toys, beach houses, no scoliosis, no heart conditions and no cancer. And we’re sure Mundell’s nearly poetic way with words will cause many to rally behind him.

For the readers still with us, here’s a treat…we’ve saved the best for last. A Google search of “John Mundell” and “UNC” revealed that Mundell is a Teaching Fellow, and an essay by him was once featured in the Teaching Fellows’ seasonal publication, The Ram Report.

Mundell wrote as a first-year: “…I am tutoring kindergarten at Fayetteville Street Lab School: an elementary school on the south side of Durham. Let me tell you, going from droopy, lethargic seniors to hyperactive five-year olds who get excited about tracing with crayons is quite the leap. But each of these wee munchkins have touched my heart in their own distinctive way. From speaking to Hispanic students in their native language, to reading these children a simple book, seeing their faces of delight as I walk through that door makes me feel important, loved and appreciated “

We don’t know what happened between then and now to turn Mundell into such a child-hater, and we’re not sure if we want to know. But listen, John: for someone who wants to become a teacher, we suggest you start developing some compassion “for the kids,” since you’ll probably be interacting with more of them in the future than homeless people.

(Note to readers: We interviewed 2 Dance Marathon overall committee chairs who told us that the N.C. Children’s Hospital receives less than 10% of its funding from the state of North Carolina, and because of state budget cuts, this number decreases every year. The For the Kids Fund (DM money) keeps many families from being homeless due to their child’s medical expenses by helping to pay mortgages, electricity and so on. Money has also gone towards things like buying CD players for sick children to listen to during chemotherapy treatments, phone cards for patients who could not afford to call home as well as divisional grants for parts of the NC Children’s Hospital. Read more here.)

Controversy via passionate Letters to the Editor has developed in response to a column in last Wednesday’s Daily Tar Heel about the sorry state of American culture.

In the column, sophomore Caitlyn Greene describes her experience witnessing the biggest festival in Peru, replete with llama herders, tribal drums and 2,800 dancers donned in alpaca (for a national festival–can we please point out that 1,800 people registered for Dance Marathon, making it clear that UNC-Chapel Hill is more powerful and spirited than the nation of Peru.) As she reflected about the way people celebrated “being Peruvian,” she wrote in a manner reminiscent of Clarissa Explains it All: “We should all put down the Big Macs, turn off MTV, put together the most festive, symbolic costumes we can think of, dance through the streets and celebrate being the cultural hodgepodge that is the real United States of America.” What the fuck?

Three different Letters to the Editor have surfaced about this sentiment, because, well, it was pretty retarded. First, sophomore Chaney Adams defended American cultural values, in what we thought was a funny letter. Next, senior Andrew Crosson lamented over her comments, taking them at face value. And then today, junior Robert Paradis expressed his views in a manner we found as inspiring and absorbing as C-Span as he wrote, “In response to yesterday’s letter to the editor, American culture may not have been founded on materialism, but the principles of “original capitalist culture” still hold true for neoliberal deregulation. Global commodity chains integrate many cultures into a new but similar system of exchange. Consumerism and transnational corporations are the basis of our economy today.” Thanks for the cut-and-paste from your econ paper, Rob.

So, anyway, we have a few things to say about this whole thing and we’ll make it readable:

1) To Greene: take care to avoid the beaten path that so many before you have mistakenly traversed. No, not the Inca Trail. We’re talking about the arrogant mentality of faux-cultural awareness that first-time expatriates unwittingly embrace. You know, the one that leaves you entranced and intrigued by the otherworldliness of foreign folk and shamefaced about the great nation you came from? It’s the path that indulges you to believe that after a few months abroad you have a unique and invaluable lesson to teach those utterly backward folks you left behind. It doesn’t have to be that way!

2) When you describe your idea of donning costumes and prancing down the street with American pride, we’re afraid it is not all that original. Please see Wikipedia entries on Halloween, Memorial Day, Beating Duke and/or July 4th to refresh your memory.

3) To Paradis: please elaborate on your usages of consumerism and transnational. We are a bit more familiar with global commodity chains, as we heard Lil Wayne got one after Tha Carter III went double platinum. I guess we’ve been too busy playing XBox 360 (brought to you by the good people at Microsoft), drinking Busch Light (a member of the Anheuser-Busch family of beers), and checking Facebook on our iPhones (thank you Mark Zuckerman, Steve Jobs and Apple) to pay attention to the deterioration of global public sentiment toward the United States over the past 8 to 100 years.

4) We are a culture with our own traditions and ways of doing things that are uniquely American. The very fact that we are a country of immigrants is reason for the independent celebrations that honor and perpetuate the traditions of our forefathers. To “celebrate them together under the umbrella of American pride” would detract from the individuality and relevance of each. Americans cannot emulate other cultures nor can we expect other cultures to emulate that which we prize most in our own.

5) Who cares what people from other countries think of when they think of America? They’re not Americans. Their opinions aren’t as important as ours. As Kenny Powers of the new HBO series Eastbound & Down so eloquently put it: “Sure, I’ve been called a xenophobe. But the truth is I’m not – I honestly just feel that America is the best country and the other countries aren’t as good. That used to be called patriotism.” Be a patriot, kiddos. Ignore the criticism and enjoy the status quo. That’s what George Washington would have wanted.

6) In a game of “Would You Rather,” question being: “Would you rather live in America or Peru?” we are fairly certain what at least 90% of the answers would be. Including responses from Peruvians.

After reading about Ron Bilbao’s endorsement for Jasmin Jones on the front page of the Daily Tar Heel, we at the Daily Tar Hole were amused to read on page 3 that Bilbao was actually disqualified from the race last Tuesday, a decision he is appealing to the Student Supreme Court.

Bilbao stuck signs around campus in places he shouldn’t have, directly violating rules in the Student Code. We particularly enjoyed the article’s description of “the sign in the tree.” Posters cannot be hung from trees in the Pit, but Bilbao placed one there anyway, which Board of Elections Chairman Ryan Morgan took down after he saw it.

Bilbao says, however: “Citing several sworn affidavits from witnesses, Bilbao alleges that Morgan ripped the sign out of the tree, crumpled it and then ‘danced’ on it.”

Unfortunately, the article did not specify the nature of the dancing, leaving our staff to ponder–Macarena? Chicken dance? The Electric Slide? Though we initially gave Bilbao the benefit of the doubt, we looked up a picture of Morgan on Facebook and just don’t know if we can picture him cutting a rug in the Pit:

Board of Elections Chairman Ryan Morgan

UNCANNY!

The front page of the Daily Tar Heel reported Monday morning that all four defeated SBP candidates decided to endorse Jasmin Jones, who received 21 percent of the votes to Thomas Edwards’ 41 percent. The DTH wrote, “the four candidates stressed the idea that Jones was simply a better fit for the role.” But the last paragraph gave us, ahem, the real news:

Bilbao, in a moment of jest, summed up the group’s goal. ‘You know, between the five of us, we could probably win a campaign.’

Edwards nearly won the election flat with 6 candidates running. Hell, if we were running and were whooped that badly, we might play sore loser, too . Either way, we at the Daily Tar Hole are more fascinated by the resemblance Ms. Jones bears to the Mowry twins of “Sister, Sister” fame. They seem so similar in personality as well that we wonder if there is something about Ms. Jones that we don’t know…

A letter to the editor of the Daily Tar Heel today complained that a cartoon about Michael Phelps in the Feb. 3 issue “depict(ing) him as a stoner brandishing his “munchies” was disrespectful and in extremely bad taste.”

We at the Daily Tar Hole, however, very much enjoyed the cartoon drawn by Alex Lee. In fact, we advise that sophomore Peter Helvie (who wrote the letter) desist and save his outrage for the jacked-up prices of Cosmic burritos at Student Stores. Frankly, the entire “issue” is a funny bit of news. We’ve been chatting for days about the Olympic-sized bong hits Mr. Phelps must be able to take. We hypothesize that famous picture was turned in by a friend who’s sick of smoking Mr. Phelps out. The man probably inhales an ounce with every hit! Besides, who’s to say Mr. Phelps doesn’tget the munchies? The pizza bagels sound delicious. We say the cartoon was in extremely delicious taste…and now leave to go pursue some pizza bagels.<

Is Tuesday generally a slow news day for The Daily Tar Heel? The front-pager today was about…well, was supposed to be about…how forums for Student Body President are a poor indicator for who will eventually win the election. But alas, the article was like taking a sip of 7-Up only to taste water…aka, not quite what we expected.

Starting off with a whine by candidate Ron Bilboa, the article was good up to a point (specifically, the end of the 2nd column), explaining that organization endorsements aren’t necessary for an SBP candidate to win the race, citing J.J. Raynor’s victory last year. (Ahem, reporter Andrew Dunn might have let his opinion slip a bit much there when he wrote that “the actual importance of forums is hit and miss”…rather than hit or miss.)

Then, it delved into an opinion piece, blasting 3 candidates for having campaign staff in the leadership of certain organizations, implying none won their endorsements honestly.

Dunn wrote, “Because campaign staff are often involved in student groups, at least half the forums appear tainted by predetermined preference.”

We agree that people who volunteer for SBP campaigns tend to be involved on campus, particularly in organizations that sincerely care about who will be SBP next year…a State student could figure that out! As far as tainted…we’re not convinced. Half? How’d you decide that? Doesn’t that sound like…an assumption? And isn’t this…a news article? Double you tee eff, mate!

“These tactics, however, are nothing new to student politics,” wrote Dunn after slandering Ashley Klein, Thomas Edwards and Michael Betts.

Er, the tactic of having friends who lead organizations volunteer to work for your campaign? Are we talking mind-control here? Because I would like to learn that. And more importantly…this isn’t anything new?! But it’s on the front page! And you said that the endorsements have become “increasingly questionable”!!! Dammit! Looks like we’ve been duped again.

The Daily Tar Heel informed and…well, who are we kidding…weirded out the UNC student body with its front-and-center page coverage about bathroom graffiti last Tuesday.

The article, which dominated the page, made it clear that someone with a particularly keen knack for news value laid it out, ultimately helping students identify the most important story of the day.

Favorite quotes included: “It makes for unsightly looking bathrooms. A lot of things could be racial and sexual and should not be put on walls — no one wants to see those kinds of things except for the people that write them.” -Bill Burston, director of UNC Housekeeping services

and  ““If we remove the judgment aspect, we can learn a lot more about ourselves. And I think that’s what might scare people.”-Mark Ferem, author of a book titled “Bathroom Graffiti” (a whole book!)

In its defense, the article presented a fair and balanced view of the…er…issue: “There’s a folkloric quality to bathroom graffiti…But some of the graffiti reflects a darker side of anonymous free speech. Hate speech sometimes appears alongside more benign content.”

That did, actually, help me put into perspective that time I saw the lyrics to John Lennon’s “Imagine” written out next to “Fuck babies!”  Maybe it IS time that someone finally gave bathroom graffiti the acknowledgment it doesn’t deserve. And maybe I was wrong when I said that it’s not worthy of front-page coverage in a newspaper unless someone has learned how to draw animated graffiti…because that would be flippin’ awesome.

On the bright side, DTH, you now have the 10th hit on Google if you type in “bathroom graffiti.” Who shouldn’t be proud of that?