Who the HELL is hunting professors?

Readers of the Daily Tar Heel today might have experienced shock and outrage (well, more, that is) at the front page after reading the headline: “UNC aims to fight poaching of faculty”. Few students realized that UNC’s beloved professors were at risk of “poaching,” the practice of taking game or fish illegally, a struggle endured by species such as the rhinoceros, the elephant, and the beautifully ugly, never-to-be forgotten Dodo Bird.

Indeed, Executive Associate Provost Ronald Strauss said in a pull-out quote that “(Poaching) is always a possibility for a university with high-quality faculty.” Well, actually, the DTH said it for him according to the parentheses, but still, numerous students expressed concern about the shockingly overlooked issue.

“I always imagined poachers lived in Africa, like searching for game,” said a female freshman. “I’m freaked out.”

“I wish the poachers would target some of the campus squirrels, instead,” said a male junior. “Are they at least using Pick-A-Prof to decide which professors to poach?”

Hopefully, the University assesses this issue carefully to prevent poachings such as the one pictured below in J-School Professor Chris Roush’s classroom. We only want one thing poached on this campus, and that’s our eggs. (Okay, that one was cheesy, but we couldn’t resist.)

Many poachers seek ivory. Others, UNC faculty.