We know it’s been a while. But this week’s Overheards At are so funny, they might be worth the wait.

Two girls on the RU, after one girl coughs:
Girl 1: Don’t cough on me! I don’t want to get sick before finals!
Girl 2: How many times do I have to tell you? You can’t catch asthma!

Guy in Polk Place:
“Just look at that squirrel! He should be running from me, but he’s just sitting there starring…. I’m gonna teach that bitch a lesson about respect.
(chucks textbook at squirrel, then laughs)
Now he will know to cower in fear at my presence!”

Two guys in front of Chick-fil-A:
Guy 1: Man…ever since Lent ended, my girlfriend’s been eating so much chocolate and she’s not even working out much anymore ’cause she says she has too much work. She’s gonna get fat soon.
Guy 2: Dude, I like girls with the extra jiggle…it’s more cushion for the pushin’.

On Campus:
Girl 1: hey!! how are you?
Girl 2: well. i walked to campus with no shoes. i DEFINITELY know what people feel like now… people with no shoes.

Guy at a table outside of Lenior, with sincere conviction:
“That deep fryer was the best Christmas present I ever got, seriously.”

On Franklin Street:
Guy: What are Locopops?
Girl: They’re these custom flavored popsicles.
Guy: Like what flavors?
Girl: Any flavor. Just name one.
Guy (intrigued): Lasagna?!

Guy at Lenoir to another guy:
“I remotely remember urinating in your suite last night.”

On Campus:
Girl 1: It’s not like you’ve never seen one before.
Girl 2 (excitedly): Yeah, but I had never seen his before!

Two Girls in Caldwell:
Girl 1: She has a weird accent. Is she from England or something?
Girl 2: No, she’s from New Zealand.
Girl 1: Well, that’s close.

In Astronomy Lab:
Asst. TA: It’s a good idea for you to know where Cassiopeia and the Big Dipper are if you’re ever, um, lost and on a boat.
Student: I’m on a boat!
Asst. TA: I’m on a boat!
Head TA: Where’s T-Pain in the house??

Guy walking near Kenan Stadium:
“Dude, it’s just one STD! I can’t believe you’re freaking out because I have ONE STD!”

On Campus:
Girl 1: I wish there was such a thing as diet vodka.
Girl 2: I know! I would do shots of it then…

In Ram’s Head, girl staring at ranch dressing:
“How much in common do you think ranch and mayonnaise have?”

Overheard in Lewis:
“Yeah, that guy looks like an uncircumcised penis.”

Funny Links for Your Procrastinating Pleasure and 4/20 Enjoyment:

1) Inspired by Sunday’s hilarious new Family Guy, we searched and found this funny Above the Influence parody.

2) This Web site, “Black People Love Us,” has been around for a while, but remains hilarious. Check out the testimonials.

3) Kickass compilation of the Tar Heel path to victory!

4) Someone please teach this little tyke how to kick.

5) Watch Michael Cera of Superbad and Arrested Development flip out like Christian Bale. It’s a different kind of result.

6) Start with Pilot Clip 1 of Gay Robot and you’ll be compelled to check out the next few. It is such a ridiculous premise and exactly what it sounds like.